Welcome to SF, dumbass

“Aw they got you?”

Last Wednesday I rolled up the last dregs of my weed, and threw the joint, my camera, and my wallet into my bag. I don’t like going skating with a bag on. It’s too bulky and reduces the potential for spontaneity. Am I really going to stop and put down my bag while I try to get this trick? It turns a session into something that becomes too focused on an outcome. Instead of doing as I feel, it turns it into something I think about.

Should I attempt the trick? Where am I going to put the bag down? Actually, should I put it down in this other place that’s less visible? If I don’t land it first try will I try it again? Why am I 28 years old and still skateboarding? What do I want?

---

My Levis I skate in have worn to shit – my back right pocket is busted – it has a big hole in it. I fell on my ass with my wallet in this back right pocket enough that there’s now a wallet sized hole in the pocket. But I gotta pull off the fit, so that means I’m bringing my bag and putting my wallet in the bag. I skate up to Market Street in the Castro and aimlessly skate looking for spots. I start to bomb down Castro. I’m solo so I don’t go too crazy I’m powersliding, but it’s a kind of big hill. So I start going fast and there’s a gay dude on a one wheel in the bike lane and I don’t feel like risking bumping into him if he does something unexpected so I jump off my board and kick the board out to let it shoot out into the curb – I let out a yelp to let the dude know – he looks behind not knowing what’s going on and I’m just running down the hill after my board. The board slams into the curb. Now I’m in front of him. I get to the board, stomp on the tail to bring the nose up to my hand. I grab it, I look behind at him and we smile at each other – though he’s uneasy. Skate life baby

I go down into the Market / Castro MUNI stop and get on a train towards Embarcadero. When I hit Civic Center I decide to get out and I realize that I’m at “UN” – a skate plaza that’s right on Market street. I sus out the area – it’s hectic as fuck.. but other people have put their bags down. Whatever, it’ll be fine to put my bag down here. I skate for a while, come back, my bag is still there. I smoke the joint. I go back to skating. I check back and the bag is still there. I skate some more, I look back. My bag is gone. I’m kind of high – am I confused? Am I gonna look like a dumbass asking people about it? I start asking skaters if they saw anything, they’re like I dunno I dunno. Then I ask this woman who’s sitting at a little table right next to where my bag was rolling a blunt. I ask her if she saw anything and she tells me that some person came up to them and started talking to them. They noticed the bag, made a comment about it, and apparently said “I wonder if there’s any money in it”. Mrs Blunt then watched them stand up, take this bag that wasn’t theirs, and walk away with it. She looks me in my eyes and says verbatim “I let them take it, I’m sorry”. Damn!!!

It’s not her fault – she didn’t take the bag, which she reminded me of later – but Jesus people really got no fucking morals in this town. So I say okay where did this thief go? What was she wearing? What race is she? How long ago was this can I find her in a crowd and pick her up and kick her head off her neck and get my wallet and camera back? Mrs. Blunt is very hesitant to give me any information, her eyes aren’t trustworthy.

What if I give her money? I tell her if I get the bag back she gets $200. I don’t want to go to the DMV, I don’t want to cancel all my cards, I don’t want to lose my fucking SD card! Her eyes start working she’s thinking. But she doesn’t trust me. She shouldn’t – if I get eyes on that bag I’m ripping it out of whoever’s hands it’s in. The thief and Mrs. Blunt can get each get a cut of jack shit.

She counters – “Apple pay me $15 right now” and she would see what she could do. My dumb ass actually says okay, I thought it was worth the gamble – maybe I’ll actually be able to finesse getting my bag back, maybe she knows this person, or at least maybe in like three weeks I’ll see her at the skate plaza again and be able to get my shit back. I open up my phone and I try to text her “test” to see if it’s her number to start with. The message doesn’t go through, I try to get on the internet and I can’t do that either. Of course now my phone stops working, so I tell her the 5g’s not working and her demeanor instantly changes, she tells me she knows my “white ass has apple pay” god damn it why isn’t this working? I restart my phone and the 5g is still NOT WORKING. Mrs. Blunt tells me that she knows I’m lying and that my 5g works. She’s looking at me and lets me know I’m a “handsome white guy”. She asks me if I’d fuck her I say no – “why cause I’m black?” I realize I’ve now fully lost her – she is not on my side. She wants to run me for money and sex, and she’s getting neither. I guess I’m not getting what I want either.

Now I’m a “dumbass” – I tell her she’s rude and she reiterates with a wry smile “you’re being dumb you’re not gonna get your bag back.” She asks me what I did to deserve this fate from God and I actually thought about it for a second.

I skate home hitting some tricks on the way, pay my phone bill to get my 5g back, cancel all my cards, and spark another.

Despite the circumstance, I didn’t feel rushed to get home. I was hitting tricks, pushing leisurely. I’m 28 years old, and I’m starting to show signs of wear. Not everything fits in my pockets anymore, I need my bag. I want to hit this trick though! But the bag is inconvenient – so I throw the bag down.

People see the bag, they want the bag, they take the bag.

Now I wait for my replacement credit cards, my replacement ID, and a new camera to arrive in the mail. When they do, they’ll all be attached to my San Francisco address. My new SD card – for now – will have no images from Chicago or Los Angeles.

I’ve arrived in SF, this was my welcome.